visions of ourselves

I wish I could see myself how the people that love me see me.  

When I am going to meet a new person, I wish I could look in the mirror and boost up myself instead of having to text my friend to reassure me that I am in fact cool enough, nice enough, worthy enough.  

I wish I saw my life as cool as Lacey does.  

Or that I saw my advice as good enough as Kris does. 

Or that I saw myself as confident as Jules does. 

Or as outgoing as Ellie and Grace do.  

Or as funny as Rachel does. 

Or as authentic as Emma does. 

Or as enjoyable as Charlie does.

Or as loyal as Izzy does.

Or as fun-loving as my mom does.  

Or as adventurous as my dad does.  

Or that I actually believed self-love was as easy as waking up and telling yourself you’re perfect, cool, and awesome.  (it sure is a start) 

But sometimes, when you’re riding around with your self-love flashing empty, the people around us are our crutch to help us see the good they see in us when we can’t see it in ourself.  Because to ask that of ourself all the time can sometimes take a lot.  

I’m sitting here on my couch writing this as I watch the sun set and glisten through a liquor bottle that Lacey has repurposed to rehome a plant into, and the sun is a wild thing.  This time of year, it’s only out for a mere eight hours a day.  And yet, it dictates so much of our life.  

When we wake up, when we go do things, what we are going to wear, what our mood is, when we are going to go to sleep. We ask a lot of her.  

Do you think the sun ever wishes that she didn’t have so much responsibility? That she could just be a person; not dictate everyone’s lives.  

We all seem to feel that way about the other people we love though.

When I texted Jules for a confidence boost she said “You are so cool and you know it.  I wish I had your confidence”.  But I wish I had her confidence.  Don’t we always think about how much we wish we could be like other people? 

If we all think that about one another, why can’t we see the light within ourselves? Everyone has the desire to be the people the surround themselves with.  I guess it is true that our friends are a reflection of who we are.  

So sometimes when the self-love meter is running low, we can think about how we think about our friends.  And realize that this is how people think about us.  How they want to be, because if we are all thinking about how we would want to be like other people we know, then maybe we’re all better off than we think.